In blog 7: God?, I tried to explain to you logically, why there is god, why you have to believe him. I think that explanation was enough for your logical mind to believe his presence. But even if your logical mind accepts there is god, you may still find believing and having faith in him difficult. If not for you, at least I have faced those difficulties. Even though sharing this is a little bit uncomfortable for me, I decided to be completely transparent anyway.
When I was a young kid, I used to believe in everything. I believed everything my parents told, teachers taught, friends mentioned, my brother, sister, everything I heard. Fortunately, I was influenced in positive ways. That kid me believed in god, creativity, mastery, imagination, whatnot. And I believe the success I have now is the fruit of that young kid who truly believed. But then, when I grew older, probably in my mid-teens, my identity started taking shape. But I wanted to ensure that I was not in any kind of delusion. I wanted to make sure my belief systems were near to reality. So I destroyed everything that seemed irrational, illogical. I became an atheist listening to an atheist but being conscious of it. I destroyed god in my belief system. Of course, I destroyed other beliefs which turned out to be delusional. Faith is like cancer, the opposite of faith is also the same. As soon as I lost faith in God, I started losing faith in the creative process, I started thinking about everything in terms of logic. Creativity does not breed in such kind of mental space. So I didn’t get any great ideas in those periods. I thought about money a lot, fame a lot, I started believing that no matter what I have to make money, or else I won’t survive, I believed that creativity won’t help me earn money. What if I don’t have any students to teach music? What if I have no clients to work on? What if I have no concerts to get paid from? These were the thoughts of disbelief and hopelessness that sept into my mind.
By this time, I became frustrated and frustrated. I was unhappy. Then I decided to work on making myself happy. I realized I was using too much of my brain but no amount of heart. Even though I proved god exists in my logical brain, I was still unhappy because even though my brain knew, I still didn’t completely believe in him. I had forgotten for a while that intelligence cuts you from inside if you use it the wrong way, for wrong problems that intelligence is not good at solving. Faith, belief, hope, any kind of belief for that matter, is not the logical brain’s business to manage. You need the other half brain, the illogical one, the creative one, the one which has characteristics of what we call heart.
As soon as I realized all these and that my heart-set which was very weak was being thrashed by the logical brain, that these two were at war with each other, I started taking action. I knew immediately that I had to somehow make the heart win the war. I literally ordered my brain, see this is not your field, so don’t even dare to raise your voice here. Faith, belief, hope is where the heart shines, so leave that to it, if you won’t, I’ll die. And if I die, you won’t exist, stupid brain!
As soon as I did that, the human brain’s most powerful instinct is to survive, and that kicked in! More than half of my problems had gone right away! Almost all disbeliefs vanished. The next step I took is to do something for the heart that the logical brain thinks is ridiculous. I started chanting OM Namo Bhagavathe Vasudevaya. To make it even harder for the logical brain, I typed the same chant on my PC at least 1008 times. (I still keep that typed file). Belief, hope, faith, everything just started coming back to how I was when I was a kid but even stronger and clear. As I said even in the last blog – “Only the person who can destroy his belief system and rebuild a fresh one can grow”.
And as a result, my creative side started flourishing! Great ideas started to implode in my mind. I started to believe in the creative process. I believed creativity is a gift God has given me and creating something out of it is the way to serve him. And even the universe ( The god) started showing many synchronicities. Everything started to fall in its place. I believe, the only thing you’ve to do is to work on what you think god ( you can consider god as your deeper self) assigned you to do. Just Believe in yourself, the process, God, and keep working, everything falls into its place.
Again – “Belief almost always seems delusional but is always the most rational thing to do”
Sanath Kumar Naibhi